feeling LOW ~

have you ever feel very low?..as in not feeling good in anything you do..i felt that way all my life i guess..even now that i've started working..i just don't have the confidence to do things my way..i cannot control anything..i guess i'm just not born to be a leader..haha..

to be honest..here in my work place, i don't really have any friends..i mean as in good friends..my 2 good friends are my aunt and an accountant manager..which is by the way, my aunt's best friend..so basically..i'm just a lunch partner la..haha..both of them are great..intelligent..of course they are good..if not, they won't be managers, right?..the thing is..they sometimes talk about how wrong people are..not that they are wrong..i mean..they are right..but it makes me feel like i cannot make mistakes..stupid mistakes..that makes me scared to make any mistakes..i understand that all problems occured will be their job to settle it and i highly admire how they are able to solve everything...just that i feel that i'm not good enough to be around them..i'm afraid to make decision..so i end up asking my aunt for approval..

so today..a lot of things happen..i need her to check my emails..whether i'm talking about the right thing or not..whether it's ok to disclose the info or not..and after a few times..i guess she just got fed up and said.."ikut ko la.."..i understand that she's tired of me seeking help from her..but i just don't want to cause any more problem..that's why i ask..but then again..maybe i'm just plain stupid..

i'm still picking up everything bit by bit..others have work in the company for years..not to say should know more..but experiences make you a better worker, right?..haih..ok la..i'm gonna stop being a whiner ..i have to go through this..or just walk away..

f*ck!